..You're even God at the Waffle House...

So, you know that feeling you get when you feel like a storm is coming... You see the clouds, you hear the thunder, you can even smell it coming..all your senses just know there is trouble on the horizon. You hope it passes but you prepare for it nonetheless. You get the candles out, find the matches, unplug your treasured computer and TV's...and alas, you try to remain calm for your kids. As you see the storm approaching, you try to go about life as normal but you keep looking out the window..waiting. Then you pray. Praying for preparation, for guidance, for safety, for provision, for peace.  Well, our family has hit a time when we see the storm clouds gathering in a metaphorical sense.  It's still sunny but still we can see it possibly coming our way. I know its nothing my Heavenly Father can't handle but I am for the first time in my life without a resource other than God to handle things. He is working thru this in my heart. So many times in the past I have taken control of "life" and found solutions to get myself thru things. I did this before I was married and still do so to this day...ya know.."I'll get another job".."I'll call someone to see if they can fix this or that?" "I will do this", "I will do that".  Well, this is a season where I am doing all I can.. which is nothing. I get to sit back, pray and wait to see the miraculous. To see God  work out my life for good. To see his plans for me...Jer. 29.:11
I know this is all quite simple but I just thank God he is God all the time and nothing surprises Him and he had reminded me of this today over and over as I have started to fret.
So, as when you see a physical storm brewing, you try to go about your normal routine. So, tonight some ladies from church are going for a fun late night run to the Waffle House. That's just what those late night workers at the Waffle House need...a bunch of mouthy women coming in at 11pm to eat waffles and mouth it up. Someone should warn them. But anyway, I have been tempted to not go because I haven't been in the best mood and quite honestly, we need to save money. But its a treat and I really want to be with my friends. As I have thought trough this today, I remembered this waffle house song and looked it up. Quite simple, "It's amazing to me, you're even God at the waffle house"  Thankful to know that no matter if I stay home and fret or continue on my normal routine, the storm will still rage and may still come our way but GOD IS STILL GOD...even while I am at the Waffle House and he can handle it all and still give me peace and grace to trust.

Life's about changin'...nothing ever stays the same..

 Probably the only and worst country song I know. Patty Loveless.."How Can I help you say goodbye?" Part of the lyrics are.."Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same" Ryan is not big on change and I often sing it to him and he hates it!

 I hate country music really...country whiny music. Please. It is so depressing and it's like sad puke spilling from the tongue to my ears! anyhoo. nonetheless. My mama used to sing it to me and with due reason. My life was always changing as a child. Moving from house to house. People dying. Friends coming. Friends going and I quite honestly have always had a way of dealing with change. I am pretty good at it I think. Ryan thinks I am a nut. I deal with death and loss in such weird ways.  When my mama died, I was 20 years old and I remember sitting in the funeral home making arrangements and I remember laughing harder than I have almost ever that night. I just deal with things so differently.  I think it's a nervous thing. I mean, I cry and do normal things too but I seem to recover quickly from change. Anyway. Now that I have had children, change isn't quite as easy for me I am noticing. Having a kid is like a visual timeline. A "sand in the hour glass" sort of visual. It is a reminder of how fast time goes and how much life really does change and quick!

I know that everyone goes thru season after season in their life. No one is privy to getting comfortable and pushing a button to pause life just like they want it. Things change. People change. I get it. In the Nash house, there are lots of changes going  on... My husbands work schedule, friends coming and going, kids coming, kids growing. However, there is one change that is hard for me to swallow. 

Lately Eva has started to have fears. She is scared to go in her room by herself. Scared to watch certain things on TV that she has always watched...like the fish on Little Einsteins, scared of the dark, scared of me when I get angry..there are several little fears that she has never had before. I know that the bible says we are born into sin. I believe it. I also believe that there is a certain level of "innocence" a child has before they start to realize there is evil in the world..before they start to realize there is bad out there..before they start to realize they are sinners..before they know fear.

I know it is a necessary change that must happen..a sort of "coming of age" but to watch my child realize that there are things in the world to be afraid of makes me sick.  It also reminds me of the weight of evangelizing my children.  I know it is all part of the process. As they, they must realize there is evil. There is sin. She/he is a sinner in order to get to the point that she/he also realizes that Jesus came to wipe that all away thru this death and resurrection. I hope I am making sense but today as I mourn the loss of my child's fleeting "innocent" heart and I do say innocent lightly but you know what I mean. As much as I don't like that particular change,.it is a reminder that as much as I don't like change..my heart's burden and daily prayer is for the day when another change will come..one where my children fall in love with Jesus and his redemption takes throne in their lives! That's a change I can deal with!

".....hey...that's MY mama.."

So, to back track a little on some of my thoughts as of lately. Last week I took Eva and Sam for pics at JCP. For those of you who are my photography friends...so sorry. It is almost FREE for me to go. Anyhoo...picture days are...well, let's say not the most fun days with two kids and outfits and trying to get them both to smile..yada yada yada... Well, this particular day at JCP, it was really busy. Our sitting was an hour late and my kids took their sweet time cooperating. So, when we left the portrait studio, I was spent and my attitude was less than stellar as were my two kids.. It was lunch time for all three of us and so we headed to Chick-fil-a. It is walking distance from the studio. Well, passing thru the fat section on the way to the bathroom, a little old lady in a walker was shopping and passed us going the opposite way. She looked at my two kids and at me (hopefully I was smiling) and she just said something very simple. "oh my...you are so lucky". Now, let's don't get into some theological discussion and dissect (spell check) the whole luck thing. So, I said back to her..."oh, I sure am" and we just both kept walking. I feel like we exchanged far more than that. I know that God used her to remind me of what a blessing these kids are, how blessed I am to be home with my kids. How blessed I am that I have a husband willing to sacrifice and work 37 jobs if he has to so that I can be home to invest in them and our family, how blessed that I had the resources to even take the kids to have their pics done...the list goes on and on. I don't consider myself as a rule an unthankful person but it is always good to be reminded to cherish my moments with them and the fact that God used this older lady to remind me was also a reminder of how fast life goes. So...that was last Thursday...

So, that brings me to today. Everyone knows I am a freak when it comes to making my kids "firsts" memorable for all. For some reason, I love to celebrate the little firsts in life. Well, I read a book a couple months back. Fiction. Christian novel. Not sure which book it was but there was a lady dying of cancer in the book who had 5 kids grown. On her death bed, she was conversing with her husband and taking stock of her life. She talked about the only thing she wished could be different about life was that we be able to know and remember a "last". Such as the "last" time your kids needs their comfort item (blankie, bear) for bed..the "last" time you get to watch Regis and Kelly before you have your first baby and never can watch alone. (that was my example).  In life, we are quick to remember the "first" time a child walks but what about the "last" time they crawled???? So today....  Eva is going to the back yard bible club here at our complex. It is actually indoors and not really anywhere near a backyard. I thought I would be staying with her but no other parents are staying and they had more workers than kids so I felt pretty secure in leaving her. Well, Sam and I had to go to the big Walmart so, when we came back I knew it would be their snack time and they would be sitting outside eating their popscicles. Paranoid Mama syndrome kicked in so I decided to drive by and make sure she was still okay. She was sitting under a treeish bush and at first didn't see me. I parked and watched her sort of thru the bushes from my car. Well, of course she spotted me. I didn't want her to come running but I had to acknowledge her so I waved excitedly. So, then she starts to SCREAM with elation..."hey guys, that's MY mama" "look, its' MY mama" "HEY MAMA!!!"...as if to say "my mama is the most precious, important, wonderful, loving, pretty, sweet, nurturing, caring person in the whole world." Only one little boy even payed her attention and looked my way. But she was so proud that I am her mama that she had to shout. Of course, my heart melted. The kids went in and I waved bye but I just sat there and savored the moment pondering on the thoughts of lately. One day there will be a time when she won't get so excited to see me. She will at some point even be embarrassed. We have no way of knowing when a lot of "lasts" like this one will happen. When will be the last time Eva asks to snuggle before bed? When will be the last time Sam crawls and I forget because I am so excited he is walking? When will be the last time that my kids have the innocence of seeing me walk into a room and all else in the world dims because mama is here now? I do love the seasons of life but sometimes, it is hard to tell when one starts and the other ends and all of a sudden you " wake up" and you are in a new season and wonder how you got here. My prayer today is that my husband and I continually remember to slow down, love on each other, love on God, love on our kids and savor the moments of their ever changing stages. One day, I will look back and wonder where all the "lasts" went.

Eva's 1st sleepover

Place settings for the princesses

Making pzza

Saying grace. Sweetness.

We made princess masks with glue and glitter and all the glam a Princess can ask for. However, Eva is giving her  Hitler face..Kate appears to enjoy it!

Kate's welcome sign and my attempt at pom poms with not enough tissue paper or pipe cleaners.

Tonight, Eva is having her friend Kate sleepover for the first time!!! My sweet friend Emily called to say that she was in need of an overnight place for Kate..I jumped at the chance. You would have thought it was MY sleepover. I think I was born for this stuff. I love it. However, I have been nervous about if Eva would sleep and how the night would go..and as I type they are both in bed chatting it up. Well, Eva more so. I am just giving them time to wind down before I bring the hammer down ya know! I am sure I will sleep with one eye and ear open tonight but it is so worth it. This is the part of parenting I love. Seeing Eva light up and be social and know that even little sleepover's like this are teaching her and preparing her for life. So, thinking about Kate coming. I wanted to make her feel special to ward off any homesickness. I suffered severely from the disease of homesickness when I was little so I am a little sensitive to it. So, I wanted to post some pics of our night. I think Kate and Eva are such sweet girls and I love that they had a good time!!

Eva's 3 year old heart song

I have always had a sort of "song in my heart" for particular times in life. You know how you can hear a song and it remind you of a time and place or a love or loss. Well, this is one of those songs. I hope I can get it on here for you to listen to. I sang the chorus of this song while Eva was in the womb. It was my lullaby to her. I have sang it to her on and off ever since. Well, she now knows the words and it has become her heart song too for this 3 year old season of her life.  Today as Ryan was pumping gas after church, Eva sat in the back playing with the paper she had made at church and sang the chorus perfectly. I sat in sweet silence and cherished the moment.  I know it was written for a man's wife but when I look in my daughters eyes at night and we sing it back and forth to each other...this song takes on a whole new meaning of a sweet love between mama and babies. Take a listen! and by the way. I have purchased this album years ago and it is a great album. One of my all time favorites!
http://markmathis.bandcamp.com/track/your-eyes

 The chorus lyrics:
oh your eyes are my place to hide
when the world is closing in on me
you were right when you said that i'd
be needing you - if you only knew how much

Walmart and my Daddy

Today when Ryan got home from work,  I left and went to go do our grocery shopping. I had worked on the list all day and went to what felt like at least 37 grocery stores to chase the sales and also to find all the ingredients to start making my own laundry detergent. I for one,  have always snickered at those who made their own things like that. Kind if like the "bread makers" and "canners" of the world. If it's in a store and it's cheap, why go to all that trouble??. But, as I have done my calculations, it is going to be considerably cheaper to make my own. Plus, it makes me feel incredibly domestic and all humor aside I really want to be a good steward with what God has given us and this is one simple way I can stretch our pennies! And before you quit reading due to boredom, my post is not about the soap I will use to clean our panties. That is just a tid bit I am super excited about.  It is a little deeper than that today. So, like I was saying today I got to go on vacation by myself..oops..I mean, shopping by myself .(Sorry, shopping with kids is so hard so when I get to go by myself, it may as well be vacation!) So, let me get to the freakin' point. As I shopped today by myself, I got to meander and look around at people, my list, and I had time to slow down and think. Walmart. It is a grungy place. A place of many gross things, many women wearing thongs that shouldn't..many spills in the floor that look too much like poop or throw up...many smelly and rude people hocking loogies everywhere.... However, a necessary evil in my economic condition and I am today thankful for Walmart. My mom passed away about 15 years ago and my dad passed away almost 3 years ago. I have a lot of memories at Walmart, believe it or not, with both my parents actually. Today I was reminded of a couple I would like to share. Now, this first one is hilarious so hold on. And yes, half way thru it you will say.."I can't believe she is writing about this". But oh yes..I am...And many of you know this story and it will forever go down as a most embarrassing moment in my life. When I was about 15, I was in a "fashion show" at our local mall with my friend Pam. It was a Sunday afternoon and I had had a stomach virus the week before. So, we were pulling into the mall that had a Walmart attached to it. Super excited to be in the fashion show and wear fun clothes and be the center of attention. Also, one of my other pass times. So, we pull in and like I said..the stomach virus was on the way out and I thought I was over it. Well, I had to pass a little gas. .  my stomach was hurting so bad and fortunately we were in my mama's car with leather seats b/c it wasn't just a little gas. It was the real deal. The "rocky mountain quick step" "the scoots", the "chocolate faucet", "smooth move exlax". It was all there. Right in my pants. So, I told my mama I had "shat" my pants and she just about cursed me out. So, we all pull into walmart and I waddle in trying for it not to run down my leg and we go to the bathroom and my friend Pam and I just stand there and laugh (if I recall correctly) while my sweet mama...rest her soul...when and got me some more "hanes her way". and some new pants. I threw all my lower half garments away and cleaned up and when to the mall to give a real "crappy" fashion show performance. So, forever Walmart will make me think of my mama in that sense.
On a deeper note though. Today as I was shopping, I noticed several daughters with their older parents or just their dad shopping. Some in an electric wheel chair like my dad used to have to drive thru walmart and it reminded me of how I used to take him shopping a couple times a month and how we would laugh and fight and complain and talk as we shopped for his groceries. He loved to go grocery shopping and get his pantry full. It made him feel like he had arrived and that somehow, if you had food in the house, you would survive the throws of life. A skinny man his whole life but that man  could devour a pound of sausage in an instant. Probably contributed to his death to be real frank. I watched it and I remember how sometimes it was a burden to go pick him up, make his list , take him shopping, load and unload and put away his groceries. It was very tiresome. But I believe I recognized it then and I know I recognize it now how special that season of my life was. To be able to serve my dad in the simple ways like taking him grocery shopping and have fun conversations with him. Some of the hardest times I have laughed is with my dad and Ryan at the grocery store. So as I watched the few daughter/dad shoppers today, it made me long for my daddy and miss our relationship but it also made me thankful that I had that time with him. Its simple really but very precious. I also know that God's plans for my life are perfect. Though they don't feel that way sometimes. Taking my mom when I was only 20. Then taking my dad when I was 32. But had my dad not been disabled, and had my mom not passed away first, I may have never gotten to know and love and befriend and serve my daddy in the way I was blessed to have done so. I am in no way saying I am thankful that my mom died early or that my dad was disabled and needed a lot of assistance. But I am thankful that in those things, God worked in my relationships, in my heart and in my life and a lot of it was done while shopping at walmart with my daddy.

"we be bloggin' we be bloggin yeah"

In the words of Justin Bieber.."never say never". I said I wouldn't do it. But I did. I am blogging. You got it. I have always thought blogs to be a little.."hey, look at me" ish. Like you are posting things that of course the whole world would want to read. (sarcasm toned) Maybe even a little arrogant but ya know. Today, peer pressure took over. All my friends are doing it so why shouldn't I. Besides, I have found that I have too much to say to just be quiet. Too much fun stuff happens around here not to share. 

So with that I would like to leave you with a short story of how my day began. If yousaw it on facebook, this is the more detailed version. Sorry to share twice. I know it's not the most amazing story but since it happened the same day I decided to start blogging, well, you have to suffer through. See what I mean. Blogs are very self centered.  
Anyhoo...Ryan left for work after taking our car to the shop to have the air fixed. I went to pee and take a shower. Turned the water on. Disrobed. And was peeing when of course my Eva had to do the same. I can never do anything in the bathroom w/out and audience. So, as she was needing to be "cleansed", the phone rings and it is Ryan of course. I thought.."does he really need to call me to tell me he loves me AGAIN?" I know. I know. we are so lovey dovey. HA. Well, he had cranked his truck when low and behold there was a fat cat in the engine and it shreaked and hair went flying everywhere. Can I say again, I detest and despise these little Rats people call pets and this hatred was fueled today. Well, hair starts flying out from under the truck and Ryan in the spirit of a true animal activist says "well, he's dead..let's go to work" and then tries to put the truck in drive and it's a no go. Some belts have come unhooked or something so...we had to call the dealership and get him another shuttle back to work and he had to really suffer thru eating out for lunch and a friend is coming over to help me get him home tonight. So, it has all worked out.  And though now the truck is broken, we can praise the Lord that the cat didn't live. That is the silver lining. Just kidding. I don't know if he died or not. He was able to walk to the bushes and we lost track from there. I do feel sorry for the poor delusional child that has him as pet somewhere and looked for him all day. I blame his parents. They should have never given him such a dumb animal as a pet. ha.

Anyhoo..on a brighter note. My kids have been especially cuddly and sweet and helpful today. I am blessed beyond measure to have them, my husband and to be surrounded by friends willing to help us!  With that. I leave you with a pic of what is left of Satan the cat.