So, you know that feeling you get when you feel like a storm is coming... You see the clouds, you hear the thunder, you can even smell it coming..all your senses just know there is trouble on the horizon. You hope it passes but you prepare for it nonetheless. You get the candles out, find the matches, unplug your treasured computer and TV's...and alas, you try to remain calm for your kids. As you see the storm approaching, you try to go about life as normal but you keep looking out the window..waiting. Then you pray. Praying for preparation, for guidance, for safety, for provision, for peace. Well, our family has hit a time when we see the storm clouds gathering in a metaphorical sense. It's still sunny but still we can see it possibly coming our way. I know its nothing my Heavenly Father can't handle but I am for the first time in my life without a resource other than God to handle things. He is working thru this in my heart. So many times in the past I have taken control of "life" and found solutions to get myself thru things. I did this before I was married and still do so to this day...ya know.."I'll get another job".."I'll call someone to see if they can fix this or that?" "I will do this", "I will do that". Well, this is a season where I am doing all I can.. which is nothing. I get to sit back, pray and wait to see the miraculous. To see God work out my life for good. To see his plans for me...Jer. 29.:11
I know this is all quite simple but I just thank God he is God all the time and nothing surprises Him and he had reminded me of this today over and over as I have started to fret.
So, as when you see a physical storm brewing, you try to go about your normal routine. So, tonight some ladies from church are going for a fun late night run to the Waffle House. That's just what those late night workers at the Waffle House need...a bunch of mouthy women coming in at 11pm to eat waffles and mouth it up. Someone should warn them. But anyway, I have been tempted to not go because I haven't been in the best mood and quite honestly, we need to save money. But its a treat and I really want to be with my friends. As I have thought trough this today, I remembered this waffle house song and looked it up. Quite simple, "It's amazing to me, you're even God at the waffle house" Thankful to know that no matter if I stay home and fret or continue on my normal routine, the storm will still rage and may still come our way but GOD IS STILL GOD...even while I am at the Waffle House and he can handle it all and still give me peace and grace to trust.
Probably the only and worst country song I know. Patty Loveless.."How Can I help you say goodbye?" Part of the lyrics are.."Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same" Ryan is not big on change and I often sing it to him and he hates it!
I hate country music really...country whiny music. Please. It is so depressing and it's like sad puke spilling from the tongue to my ears! anyhoo. nonetheless. My mama used to sing it to me and with due reason. My life was always changing as a child. Moving from house to house. People dying. Friends coming. Friends going and I quite honestly have always had a way of dealing with change. I am pretty good at it I think. Ryan thinks I am a nut. I deal with death and loss in such weird ways. When my mama died, I was 20 years old and I remember sitting in the funeral home making arrangements and I remember laughing harder than I have almost ever that night. I just deal with things so differently. I think it's a nervous thing. I mean, I cry and do normal things too but I seem to recover quickly from change. Anyway. Now that I have had children, change isn't quite as easy for me I am noticing. Having a kid is like a visual timeline. A "sand in the hour glass" sort of visual. It is a reminder of how fast time goes and how much life really does change and quick!
I know that everyone goes thru season after season in their life. No one is privy to getting comfortable and pushing a button to pause life just like they want it. Things change. People change. I get it. In the Nash house, there are lots of changes going on... My husbands work schedule, friends coming and going, kids coming, kids growing. However, there is one change that is hard for me to swallow.
Lately Eva has started to have fears. She is scared to go in her room by herself. Scared to watch certain things on TV that she has always watched...like the fish on Little Einsteins, scared of the dark, scared of me when I get angry..there are several little fears that she has never had before. I know that the bible says we are born into sin. I believe it. I also believe that there is a certain level of "innocence" a child has before they start to realize there is evil in the world..before they start to realize there is bad out there..before they start to realize they are sinners..before they know fear.
I know it is a necessary change that must happen..a sort of "coming of age" but to watch my child realize that there are things in the world to be afraid of makes me sick. It also reminds me of the weight of evangelizing my children. I know it is all part of the process. As they, they must realize there is evil. There is sin. She/he is a sinner in order to get to the point that she/he also realizes that Jesus came to wipe that all away thru this death and resurrection. I hope I am making sense but today as I mourn the loss of my child's fleeting "innocent" heart and I do say innocent lightly but you know what I mean. As much as I don't like that particular change,.it is a reminder that as much as I don't like change..my heart's burden and daily prayer is for the day when another change will come..one where my children fall in love with Jesus and his redemption takes throne in their lives! That's a change I can deal with!
