Probably the only and worst country song I know. Patty Loveless.."How Can I help you say goodbye?" Part of the lyrics are.."Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same" Ryan is not big on change and I often sing it to him and he hates it!
I hate country music really...country whiny music. Please. It is so depressing and it's like sad puke spilling from the tongue to my ears! anyhoo. nonetheless. My mama used to sing it to me and with due reason. My life was always changing as a child. Moving from house to house. People dying. Friends coming. Friends going and I quite honestly have always had a way of dealing with change. I am pretty good at it I think. Ryan thinks I am a nut. I deal with death and loss in such weird ways. When my mama died, I was 20 years old and I remember sitting in the funeral home making arrangements and I remember laughing harder than I have almost ever that night. I just deal with things so differently. I think it's a nervous thing. I mean, I cry and do normal things too but I seem to recover quickly from change. Anyway. Now that I have had children, change isn't quite as easy for me I am noticing. Having a kid is like a visual timeline. A "sand in the hour glass" sort of visual. It is a reminder of how fast time goes and how much life really does change and quick!
I know that everyone goes thru season after season in their life. No one is privy to getting comfortable and pushing a button to pause life just like they want it. Things change. People change. I get it. In the Nash house, there are lots of changes going on... My husbands work schedule, friends coming and going, kids coming, kids growing. However, there is one change that is hard for me to swallow.
Lately Eva has started to have fears. She is scared to go in her room by herself. Scared to watch certain things on TV that she has always watched...like the fish on Little Einsteins, scared of the dark, scared of me when I get angry..there are several little fears that she has never had before. I know that the bible says we are born into sin. I believe it. I also believe that there is a certain level of "innocence" a child has before they start to realize there is evil in the world..before they start to realize there is bad out there..before they start to realize they are sinners..before they know fear.
I know it is a necessary change that must happen..a sort of "coming of age" but to watch my child realize that there are things in the world to be afraid of makes me sick. It also reminds me of the weight of evangelizing my children. I know it is all part of the process. As they, they must realize there is evil. There is sin. She/he is a sinner in order to get to the point that she/he also realizes that Jesus came to wipe that all away thru this death and resurrection. I hope I am making sense but today as I mourn the loss of my child's fleeting "innocent" heart and I do say innocent lightly but you know what I mean. As much as I don't like that particular change,.it is a reminder that as much as I don't like change..my heart's burden and daily prayer is for the day when another change will come..one where my children fall in love with Jesus and his redemption takes throne in their lives! That's a change I can deal with!
Farrah,
ReplyDeleteI empathize with you and am in the same situation, but from a grandmother's point of view. My heartbreak, however is that my grandchildren are not being raised by Godly parents , who have their eternity at heart. I will keep you and your dear ones in my prayers, as you navigate the learning life with your family. I think of you often and fondly. Donna
Thank you Donna! You have always been so sweet to our family!
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