The week of Sam’s birth was one of the most hectic. I was scheduled for a c section on Friday January 27th 2012 at 8:00am. Most of you know I have some control issues so I had a lot of things I wanted done before Sam’s arrival. We also had family and friends coming to town and I wanted to make sure things were taken care of. Monday the 23rd was my birthday. I had an OB visit in the A.M and Ryan and Eva went with me. This was planned to be a family fun day. One last hoorah before our lives changed again. Well, it was a hoorah alright. I wasn’t having problems with my pregnancy but did have to go to another doctor for a “procedure” that would put me to bed and in pain for a couple days. I won’t bore you or gross you out with the details. So, I couldn’t get a lot done on my birthday or the days leading up to the birth of Sam like I wanted to. On Thursday, the eve of Sam’s birthday, I managed to work my butt off. Packing, cleaning, cooking, and preparing things for Eva for while I am gone. It was really a lot of nervous work. I remember feeling and regretting being so busy. I just wanted to hold Eva and pour all my love on her b/c at this point, feelings of guilt were already starting to creep in. Feeling guilty that her life was about to change and that I knew from here on out, she wouldn’t have me all to herself. Feeling guilty that I was going to be staying at home with Sam and wasn’t able to do so with just her. Ya know, hormonal things. I tell you all this because I was so busy and nervous I didn’t eat or drink much at all and this affected my delivery of Sam.
On Thursday, our good friends Michelle and Nathan Schneider came to town to stay with Eva so Ryan’s parents could be at the hospital for when Sam came. I do love the Schneider’s. They arrived about the same time Ryan’s parents did. We had lasagna for dinner and then finished tying up loose ends. When I went to bed, which I wanted to be early but could not relax, I lay there and just cried. I am sure that in our 900sq ft. apt, the Schneider’s thought we were lunatics b/c of the sobs coming from our bedroom. As Ryan lay with me and we talked about and prayed fervently about what was about to happen, both of us were just so overwhelmed that we literally cried ourselves to sleep. We were sad that our days with just Eva were over. We were so tired from working so hard to get things done. We were literally exhausted and irrationally emotional. But nonetheless, we both sobbed like babies and fell asleep about 1am to wake at 4am to leave at 5am for admission at 6am.
The ride to the hospital was tense but sweet. Alone time with my love. One thing that I love in life is this. Trials come and go. Tensions come and go. Arguments with spouses come and go. But, driving down the road and looking over at Ryan and knowing that Ryan was as scared as me and that I know 100% we are in this together, I would not rather be going thru fear, excitement, elation, joy, negative and positive emotions with anyone else. I love living and working thru life with that man.
So, we checked in to the hospital at 6 and they began me on my IV’s and quickly started stripping me of my modesty that it took me two years to get back with Eva. Ya know, shaving things, pressing and poking things. The entire time I was in the surgery prep, I thought I would just die. I was so nervous. I had done this before but had to continually give myself a pep talk and get reassurance from God and Ryan that everything was alright. I sent Ryan to get breakfast so he would not puke and pass out in delivery. Well at about 7:45am, My surgeon Dr. Segal came in to talk to me. I didn’t have a spinal block on my first C-section. So this would be different. He explained that it is a little freaky. He explained that as the block took effect that I would begin to feel like I could not breathe and to prepare myself for this. He told me if I felt that and started to freak out for me to just start jabbering and talking. He said if I can talk, I can breathe and that will keep my mind off of the feeling like I can’t breathe. So, at 8am, they wheel me down to the “cutting” room. Again, 20 strangers to strip me even more of my modesty. At this point, I have had to tell Ryan goodbye. He is getting dressed in scrubs and they will bring him in just as the baby is being taken out. So, not having him there made me have to put on my big girl panties, (if they had not stripped those from me already) and do this alone til he arrived. I sat on the side of the operating table and literally hugged one of the anesthesiologists while another anesthesiologist put in my spinal block. Well, as soon as they put it in, I felt the numbness creeping up my body. I thought, okay this isn’t so bad. Then about 10 seconds later as they are laying me down, my body went haywire. A lot of this, I didn’t know about until after delivery and the surgeons and anesthesiologists told me about it. But, at this point, 15 or so seconds into the spinal block, my blood pressure drops. This is common with spinal blocks I hear but not common for my BP to go to 60/0. Then my heart trying to compensate for the low BP goes to over 200 beats per minute. I noticed at the time that there was a LOT of commotion in the operating room. Also, I started to freak out. I felt my body doing weird things but at the time, I thought they were normal and I just had to do mind over matter. I could not breathe. My body was numb from the armpits down. Imagine being numb in your chest and you feel like you can’t breathe even though you can. So, I did as the doc told me. I started to jabber. I talked NON STOP. I talked about Eva being at home with Michelle watching George. I talked about soon, I would hear Sam’s cry and it would all be worth it. It was the worst feeling of my life. I truly felt like I was dying. I begged them to put me under but they told me they could not do that. So, then the doctor starts the surgery. Very quickly. Ryan comes in. I still see his eyes as he walked in the room in my mind. It was so comforting to see him walk in and hold my hand. When he got there, I immediately calmed down and started to breathe again. Ryan massaged my aching hands (freaking carpel tunnel) and talked to me. Then I saw the lady standing next to Ryan. I asked her who she was. She said she was there to write down birth details like..Date, and time, etc. So, as I am gathering my sorts and starting to feel halfway like I will survive (hinesight, the nurse said this is when they got the drugs in me to get my BP up and heart rate down) so no wonder I calmed down. I just kept looking at the lady and waiting for her to announce birth time and then to hear the cry.
Dr. Segal then says, wow, we have a really big baby! Then the nurse announces…Time of birth is 8:26am. And…the worst sound I HAVE EVER HEARD. Silence in the operating room. Nothing, no cry. No nothing. Ryan sees them rush what he thought may be a baby away but he said it couldn’t be b/c there was no cry. Well, I put two and two together and start to yell….” Why isn’t he crying?” “Where’s my baby?” “Ryan go find my baby”. “Dr. Segal, don’t you lie to me..Where’s my baby? “Why isn’t he crying? Well, Dr. Segal saw I wasn’t going to let it go or calm down so he told me that Sam was born and wasn’t breathing. Which does happen occasionally but he was completely blue and lifeless and there were no attempts to even breathe. So the the NICU doc/team started working on Sam and trying to get him to breathe. They were about to put the ventilator on him and then he got mad and started to cry. Well, as I am being sewn up, they come back in to tell us he is breathing and that Ryan can come see him. Ryan got to visit with him for a moment but could not hold him. They had to take him immediately to the NICU but thankfully he was breathing. I felt myself relax at the news that he was breathing. As I was sewn up, I prayed. Thanking God for air. Life. Hope. Future. And asking him to give us all those things for Sam. He did. Sam stayed in the special care unit for two days because his digestive system didn’t quite wake up til a couple days after birth. I eventually got my strength to be able to walk to his room and hold and love him and then eventually he was able to come to our room and meet Eva after two days. What a great day. Having my two kids in my arms is a dream come true. For so long, I was afraid I would never have one. Now I have two amazing children. Having two children now at home. I cherish my time in the hospital with that little man. What a precious gift he is and what a reminder that birth is such a miracle. Whether the miracle comes in the form of a quick, natural and healthy birth or one in an operating room surrounded by dozens of people working as your heart is in sheer panic. How I love being mommy to my sweet children and wife to my loving and caring husband. The miracles seem to go on and on. Thankful.
